No mäkin oon sitten...Alkuperäinen kirjoittaja Kyy:Juu, niinhän se haluaa. Jos tämä vastaus tuli automaattisesti mieleen (kuten esim. itsellä) niin ajattelee kuulemma samoin kuin psykopaatti.Alkuperäinen kirjoittaja miero:
-Jennah-
An asset manager goes into a bar. There's a robot bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious.... So he goes back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "100."
The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and Yamaha Sportbikes.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.
The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 50.."
The robot leans in real close and says, "So, do you want to buy some Nordea perpetuals at mid-swap + 45bp ?"
The robot says, "What will you have?
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious.... So he goes back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "100."
The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and Yamaha Sportbikes.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.
The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 50.."
The robot leans in real close and says, "So, do you want to buy some Nordea perpetuals at mid-swap + 45bp ?"
Tää ei oo kyllä vaikea ja aikas vanha tämäkin, mutta tää on niin hyvä:
FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN
The day finally arrived.
Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and
Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said,
"Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you.
We have heard a lot about you.
I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination
for everyone.
The test is short, but you have to pass it
before you can get into Heaven."
Forrest responds,
"It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir.
But, nobody ever told me about any entrance exam.
I sure hope that the test ain't too hard.
Life was a big enough test as it was."
St. Peter continued,
"Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First:
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?
Third:
What is God's first name?"
Forrest leaves to think the questions over.
He returns the next day and
sees St. Peter,
who waves him up, and says,
"Now that you have had a chance to think
the questions over, tell me your answers"
Forrest replied,
"Well, the first one --
which two days in the week begins with the letter "T"?
Shucks, that one is easy.
That would be Today and Tomorrow."
The Saint's eyes opened wide and
he exclaimed,
"Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but
you do have a point, and
I guess I did not specify, so
I will give you credit for that answer."
"How about the next one?" asked St. Peter
"How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder," replied Forrest, but
I thunk and thunk about that, and
I guess the only answer can be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter said,
"Twelve? Twelve?
Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
Forrest replied,
"Shucks, there's got to be twelve:
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd ... "
"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter.
"I see where you are going with this, and
I see your point,
though that was not quite what I had in mind ... but
I will have to give you credit for that one, too.
Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name"?
"Sure," Forrest replied,
"it's Andy."
"Andy?"
exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.
"Ok, I can understand how you
came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name
Andy as the first name of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,"
Forrest replied.
"I learnt it from the song,
'ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.' "
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said:
"Run Forrest, run!"
FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN
The day finally arrived.
Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and
Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said,
"Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you.
We have heard a lot about you.
I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination
for everyone.
The test is short, but you have to pass it
before you can get into Heaven."
Forrest responds,
"It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir.
But, nobody ever told me about any entrance exam.
I sure hope that the test ain't too hard.
Life was a big enough test as it was."
St. Peter continued,
"Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First:
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?
Third:
What is God's first name?"
Forrest leaves to think the questions over.
He returns the next day and
sees St. Peter,
who waves him up, and says,
"Now that you have had a chance to think
the questions over, tell me your answers"
Forrest replied,
"Well, the first one --
which two days in the week begins with the letter "T"?
Shucks, that one is easy.
That would be Today and Tomorrow."
The Saint's eyes opened wide and
he exclaimed,
"Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but
you do have a point, and
I guess I did not specify, so
I will give you credit for that answer."
"How about the next one?" asked St. Peter
"How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder," replied Forrest, but
I thunk and thunk about that, and
I guess the only answer can be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter said,
"Twelve? Twelve?
Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
Forrest replied,
"Shucks, there's got to be twelve:
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd ... "
"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter.
"I see where you are going with this, and
I see your point,
though that was not quite what I had in mind ... but
I will have to give you credit for that one, too.
Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name"?
"Sure," Forrest replied,
"it's Andy."
"Andy?"
exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.
"Ok, I can understand how you
came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name
Andy as the first name of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,"
Forrest replied.
"I learnt it from the song,
'ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.' "
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said:
"Run Forrest, run!"
tupu
Kaksi miestä käveli kauppaan. Siellä jänis laittoi hintalappuja valkosipulille. Toinen mies toiselle: "jänis laukkaa laputtaa"
* Aikakone sai uuden treenikämpän. Sani teetti tilat.
* Gorbatshovilla oli omituinen päähänpinttymä.
* Kissat protestoivat menemällä naulakkoon.
* Kustavilainen tilaa olutta rahtina: "Milloin olut on kustavissa?"
* Lakimies tietää kaikenlaista.
* Lensi ulos sähköasentajalinjalta. Teki vääriä johtopäätöksiä.
* Lontoon vartijoiden talvisotahenkeä: "Toweria ei jätetä!"
* Mistä alkuihminen sai kipinän tulentekoon?
* Mistä johtuu, että seksiä harrastetaan useimmiten kännissä? Olisi kiva saada selvää.
* Morsian katosi, mutta vainukoira pääsi vihille.
* Mykkä kissa on mauton.
* Nikottelulääkkeen keksijä sai hikoilla omaisuutensa.
* Nykyiset avovankilat pitävät vankilanjohtajia pakokauhun vallassa.
* Surisiko kärpänen kaverin kuollessa?
* Tekevälle sattuu: Ompeluvirheen takia napit vastakkain paitatehtaalla!
* Tytöt varokaa: Intian matkalla on aina vaarassa, että guru tulee puseroon.
* Vangilla on karatessa musta vyö.
* Vein autoni korjattavaksi vaihteen vuoksi.
* Vihanneskauppiaan hintalappu meni väärään kurkkuun.
* Blackmetalisti antoi ensijulkaisulleen nimeksi "Demoni".
* Muusikko oli alkanut lammasfarmariksi. Eräänä iltapäivänä kaverit tulivat kyselemään, josko farmari lähtisi baariin kaljalle. "Enpä taida keritä tänään", muusikko-farmari totesi ja lähti kaljalle.
* Nörtti ei päässyt koodauksen MM-kisoihin, sillä hänellä ei ollut näyttöä.
* Naamioitumisen mestari meni sukkana läpi turvatarkastuksesta.
* Gorbatshovilla oli omituinen päähänpinttymä.
* Kissat protestoivat menemällä naulakkoon.
* Kustavilainen tilaa olutta rahtina: "Milloin olut on kustavissa?"
* Lakimies tietää kaikenlaista.
* Lensi ulos sähköasentajalinjalta. Teki vääriä johtopäätöksiä.
* Lontoon vartijoiden talvisotahenkeä: "Toweria ei jätetä!"
* Mistä alkuihminen sai kipinän tulentekoon?
* Mistä johtuu, että seksiä harrastetaan useimmiten kännissä? Olisi kiva saada selvää.
* Morsian katosi, mutta vainukoira pääsi vihille.
* Mykkä kissa on mauton.
* Nikottelulääkkeen keksijä sai hikoilla omaisuutensa.
* Nykyiset avovankilat pitävät vankilanjohtajia pakokauhun vallassa.
* Surisiko kärpänen kaverin kuollessa?
* Tekevälle sattuu: Ompeluvirheen takia napit vastakkain paitatehtaalla!
* Tytöt varokaa: Intian matkalla on aina vaarassa, että guru tulee puseroon.
* Vangilla on karatessa musta vyö.
* Vein autoni korjattavaksi vaihteen vuoksi.
* Vihanneskauppiaan hintalappu meni väärään kurkkuun.
* Blackmetalisti antoi ensijulkaisulleen nimeksi "Demoni".
* Muusikko oli alkanut lammasfarmariksi. Eräänä iltapäivänä kaverit tulivat kyselemään, josko farmari lähtisi baariin kaljalle. "Enpä taida keritä tänään", muusikko-farmari totesi ja lähti kaljalle.
* Nörtti ei päässyt koodauksen MM-kisoihin, sillä hänellä ei ollut näyttöä.
* Naamioitumisen mestari meni sukkana läpi turvatarkastuksesta.
+++
Mies tuli kalasta, jolloin vaimo kyselemään saaliin perään.
"Sain pari, mutta heitin pois, kun ei meillä ole varaa syödä lohta."
"Sain pari, mutta heitin pois, kun ei meillä ole varaa syödä lohta."